DARENZIA'S BIO - MORE THAN YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ME
I decided to update this section based upon emails I've gotten from people that wanted to know a bit more about me and aspiring models who have asked me about how I got started. It's also a bit of a trip down memory lane for me. Someday I'll put up pics from all these phases of my life for giggles.
FIRST WRITTEN 9/16/06, UPDATED WITH NEW INTERVIEWS ON 1/17/10
BELOW ARE A FEW RECENT INTERVIEWS THAT UPDATE THIS BIO QUITE A BIT!
Yuhmm.com Interview
Playboy.com Interview
TheFetishistas.com Interview
GROWING UP
I was born in Allentown, PA in the late 70's to a very loving mother and father. An unexpected child, both of my parents dropped out of college in order to support and raise me. They waited a year after my birth to get married in order to make sure the relationship was based on mutual love and not just mutual responsibility over a newborn child. This proved to be for the best as my family is still together and happy, which I've found to be a rarity these days.
We didn't stay in PA for very long as my father joined the military -- I spent most of my youth outside of Washington, DC and endured a brief stint in Pensacola, FL during my elementary school years. During this time, both of my parents were dutiful in their upbringing of me while sending themselves through school. They sent me to private schools up until I was around 13 and sent me to dance lessons from the age of 6. They tutored me and encouraged me to be creative. They instilled a serious work ethic in me from the time I was a small child and made many sacrifices for me as we didn't have very much money. This was something that still carries over into my life today. I'm ALWAYS working.
When we moved back to Maryland, I began to excel at ballet and at school. In high school, I would attend special college-level courses in the morning in biology, math, chemistry, physics, writing and literature. In the afternoon I would attend ballet classes and rehearsals. I was always on the go and the cerebral vs. the creative was a constant battle for me. Unfortunately, I was also a troublemaker. During junior high I was very awkward and a total loner, but as I got older I became more of an extrovert -- I was always causing mischief, skipping classes, running with "bad boys" and being a typical teen. But the difference was I managed to do all of those naughty things and still manage to be responsible, keep my grades up and make rehearsals. I think my trouble maker side is what kept me sane--it broke up the intensity of both school and dance. Don't get me wrong--there's always been a quiet, reserved side to me. Not a lot of people know that I'm actually very shy and some people take that as me being aloof.
SEXUAL AWAKENING
I wasn't brought up under any definitive religious belief and I was taught that sex was a healthy and natural part of life. It was never villified in my household and the subject was never taboo. I was never ashamed of my sexuality and as I became more mature was able to explore the more deviant aspects responsibly without the shame that others I know have had to endure who were taught that sex is a "dirty thing". Growing up, I would sneak out of bed to watch The Avengers on late night television. I became obsessed with Emma Peel's shiny, tight catsuits and stiletto boots. To me, she was a goddess -- a woman in power, secure in her sexuality with a fabulous figure-enhancing wardrobe and an attitude that would make grown men whimper at her feet.
My training in classical ballet, only served to heighten my fetishes. The perfectly arched beautiful feet, classic sheer stockings and over the top performance corsetry fed my desires. I think ballet is probably 99% responsible for sending me "down the dark path". Go figure. At the same time it also gave me a lot of much-needed dicipline. Perhaps too much discipline--but I'll address that later.
I think my latex fetish started at a really young age. I used to love to go into automotive stores and just smell them. I couldn't get enough of that smell. It wasn't until years later that I realized I was smelling the rubber tires. To this day, every time I pass an automotive store I have to go in. I don't even have a car! That smell really gets me going and wearing it is even more sensual. I love pouring lube all over my body and encasing myself in latex.
NYC: THE EARLY YEARS
I came to New York to be a ballet dancer and to go to university. About two years after I got here, I decided to quit dancing all together--it became too much of a strain, and my knees hurt all the time. It stopped being a fun, creative outlet and it kind of spiralled into madness. I was constantly being pressured by my instructors and choreographers to quit my academics in favor of ballet, which was something that I was just not prepared to do. I refused to doom myself to becoming nothing more than a ballet instructor after a very short dance career. I felt that my education was much more important.
Ballet was the only thing I've ever been obsessive with to the point of it almost killing me. The constant strive for perfection, for transcending the human form, molding your body into the ultimate artistic expression soon became too much for me to bear. I would push myself, harder and harder--train until my feet would bleed and I could barely walk and when I was at the height of my strength and talent be told I'd have to starve myself in order to be cast. I found it ironic that I'd be handed more parts when I was brittle and weak and could hardly perform then when I was a healthy powerhouse. One day I had enough. I walked in, quit on the spot and never looked back--and I don't regret it one bit. I had full support from my family that lives by the motto of "doing what makes you most happy". When I attend the ballet now, all I see is suffering, but it's a double-edged sword. I think that suffering is the very thing that makes it so beautiful. Most great art comes from pain.
JACK OF ALL TRADES
After quitting dance, I spent most of my time at school but also began to get involved in the NYC underground club and art scene. I gogoed at Limelight, peformed and caroused at the infamous Mother nightclub, bartended at The Bank, The Pyramid & The Korova Milk Bar and even ran my own club for a bit. During this time I also took a job at the underground clothing store Religious Sex, which used to be right on St. Mark's in the East Village. Around the same time I also answered an ad in the Village Voice for a recording studio looking for an intern. I walked in, told the owner I had no experience but was willing to learn and try something new and was immediately hired. I was an assistant recording engineer there for almost 3 years while I was still going to school, working a lot and doing crazy club shit. Ahh to be young!!!! These are also the years where I first dabbled in modeling.
MOVING INTO MODELING
With dance out of my life, there was still a part of me that needed to perform, to express myself. I'm a writer now by trade but I still feel that I express myself best through movement and body form--somehow the move from dance to performance art and modeling seemed like a natural progression. Going to clubs, I met a lot of designers and photographers who would just casually ask me to pose for them, wear their clothing or be in their fashion shows--one of the first "fetish" publications I appeared in was "Propaganda" all the way back in 1997. Somehow, that all spun out of control and here I am.
THE PENTHOUSE YEARS
When I graduated from college, I was kind of in a rut for about 5 months, still carrying on like I was before but instead I was constantly taking more jobs and didn't really have very much focus. A friend at the time worked as a programmer at Penthouse and told me there was an opening for an HTML coder. Well, I had NO IDEA how to do HTML at the time! Somehow, with my blue hair, piercings and totally fudging over the fact that I had no knowledge of what the job entailed I managed to ace the interview and got the job. I had exactly 2 weeks until my first day. You'd think I would have spent those 2 weeks trying to learn HTML, right? WRONG! I am a master procrastinator and work the best under EXTREME pressure. I waited until the night before my first day to teach myself the basics. I arrived and did the job like a pro--HA! Within a year in a half, I managed to triple my salary and get the cushy position as Photo Editor.
Penthouse was a ton of fun for the first 3 years or so but eventually the shit would hit the fan--money woes, mismanagement and general "assholery" would make the job almost unbearable but man, the money was too good to just walk away from! In the end, Penthouse declared bankrupcy and in November 2003, pretty much the entire staff was laid off, including me. I have a love/hate relationship with that place, but will always appreciate my time there, because it taught me a lot about the business in general and how to protect myself as a model and webmaster. I made so many excellent contacts there that I really do credit it as helping my modeling career quite a bit. It also looks nice on the resume. It's 5 years I wouldn't trade for anything.
THE BIRTH OF A FETISH MODEL
In March/April 2003, a few months before I left Penthouse I underwent a lot of changes--I ended a 5 year relationship that had gone sour, reclaimed aspects of my personality that I had missed during that time, got a renewed joy for life and started a relationship with someone who was supportive of my lifestyle proclivities. I also made my first "modeling" trek to Los Angeles, after shooting with East Coast snappers like Scott Lanes & Kyle Cassidy, who were pretty much responsible for giving me a renewed love for hamming it up on film.
During that LA trip I worked with a lot of photographers I admired like Steve Diet Goedde, Christine Kessler, Octavio/WinkyTiki & Perry Gallagher--after that things really began to take off for me. Through Perry I got my first image in Skin Two. Soon after I was featured in Marquis. That helped me forge a relationship with both those publications and I credit them with sending me down a path I only dreamed about when I used to flip through those magazines years before I ever stepped in front of a camera. Since then I've worked with some of the top names in the business like Ken Marcus and Holly Randall, and have traveled the world working with countless other creative souls.
I'm really picky about who I work with, and I like to work with the same photographers time and time again, since I think the photos improve as your working relationship with the photographer progresses. When you become more comfortable and familiar, then you're able to let go more and really create something special. That's not to say that I don't like working with new people-of course I do-it's just that when I click with a photographer, it usually progresses into a long term friendship and collaboration. I've been lucky in that, for the most part I've had a very drama-free working relationship with most people I've collaborated with. There's only been one or two douchebags and I've taken those as learning experiences.
When I left Penthouse, I took on a lot of freelance work because I did not want to be stuck in another full-time job. Having free time, I took that as an opportunity to travel the world and work with a lot of great people. The past 3 years have been an adventure and I feel lucky to have gotten the opportunities I've had. I've also been lucky that my family knows what I do and have given me their complete support.
HOW MY LOOK EVOLVED
I used to be a deathrock chick back in the day, and that's where it all started. When I moved to New York I discovered the fetish scene and that's when I became enamored and aroused by it.
Honestly, the only reason I ever shaved my hair into a mohawk was because it was so thick I could hardly stand it. I grew my sides back in last year because I got so sick of shaving daily and I needed a slight change.
My look has progressively become more refined over the years, as my tastes have changed and matured. I've got a bit of an odd Eastern European face, so I'm always experimenting with different styles.
THE GREAT BOOB CONTROVERSY
It wasn't an overnight decision for me and it shouldn't be for anybody. Quite honestly I've never been happy with the way my breasts looked and it took YEARS for me to find the right surgeon and I did a lot of soul-searching before I made my decision to do it. I'll admit, it was an insecurity--I am human after all! I find no issue with cosmetic surgery if it's done within reason and the results make someone happy. If you are considering getting implants be informed and do research. Don't rush into it. I wanted breast implants for years and I finally made the decision to have a consultation with my chosen doctor in December 2004. I waited until September 2005 to actually have the surgery to give me time to make sure I was making the right decision. Don't do it for someone else and think long and hard about your decision. You have to live with them so do it for yourself ONLY.
While I have, for the most part gotten wonderful feedback regarding my new mammaries I have to admit, it really surprised me just how many people ranted on various messageboards or emailed me about my decision to get breast implants--that something so insignificant in the grand scheme of things would cause so many people to be nasty or think that they had some sort of insight into my psyche and why I made the decision.
I was actually pretty shocked that a lot of the naysayers were coming from the "alt" community, saying I somehow betrayed them by deciding to pump up my breasts 2 sizes!!! The same community where people can shave their heads, dye their hair unnatural colours, stick pins into their flesh, perform meathook suspension, split their tongues, get tattoos or transdermal implants and these are "accepted" forms of alt. body mod--some may even consider doing any of those things to oneself artistic--that the body is a "work in progress" and by transforming it beyond nature you are making it your own--tailoring it to your own aesthetic needs. Why then is shoving two bits of silicone under my skin any different to that same community? I personally care less about the artistic standpoint, I just wanted bigger tits. It's a body mod plain and simple. Was it a "shallow" decision? Sure, but going to the gym daily or getting a tattoo or piercing for aesthetic reasons is just as shallow IMHO as well. I always find it odd that in the alt community--a community that purports to embrace body modification is so against plastic surgery. It's just another form of closed-mindedness from a community that claims to be open to alternative lifestyles and people's right to chose how they live it. It's kind of like when people in the fetish community are made fun of and chided by others IN THAT SAME COMMUNITY for actually having fetishes!!!!! It's completely hypocritcal and absurd! The whole "alt" vs. "mainstream" argument regarding ideals of societal beauty is tired and boring, and I'm sick of hearing it--it does no good to argue a moot point that inevitably just causes more strife between people who are already convinced that their opinion is the "right" one.
So yeah, that's that. Now I must admit that I do put myself on public display so I'm well aware that every asshole that feels the urge will send me their opinion on the matter. That's fine with me--I set myself up for it. I just think it's funny when people that don't know you beyond seeing your picture and occasionally reading your blog think their opinions are actually going to affect life-changing decisions you make or that their disapproval, etc. is actually going to make a difference in how someone choses to live their life. I chose to show ONLY VERY LIMITED aspects of my personality online and there should never be any confusion about that.
Did I get implants for modeling purposes? Hell no! I've got limited time in this little hobby of mine and I was ALREADY an established and successful model before I had the surgery. This shit is all for me and I fucking love them!!!!! If any of my fans have a problem with what I do personally with my body because I want to, hey--that's ok. There's plenty of other models out there today whose aesthetic might appeal to you more than my current one.
And the top question I get from people--who was my surgeon? Dr. Garth Fisher in Beverly Hills, CA. Best in the biz and worth EVERY PENNY of the 5 figures I spent. My implants are Mentor smooth silicone gel. My left breast has always been a size bigger than my right and hung a bit lower. He evened out the size difference and I opted to not have my left breast lifted because I did not want to contend with the additional scarring it would cause (I may have it lifted once I have retired modeling someday). So hence, I was told without the lift the left would still hang a bit lower, which I can live with. I'm so happy they're the same size now! Seriously, it's your BODY and it's major surgery--don't be cheap about it. Feel free to Email me if you're considering surgery and have some questions about it. I've done so much research I could have done it myself!
WHY NO MORE BLUE HAIR/MOHAWK
My hair grows extremely fast and I was sick of shaving 2xs a day in order to keep the rest of my long hair from sticking to my head like velcro. I was sick of it--it was limiting my work. My hair was long and to be honest, I only ever put it up in spikes FOUR times TOTAL. I got bored with it and wanted to try something different. As for the blue--you spend 8 years of your life leaking blue hairdye everywhere you go and see how much you enjoy it! Bleaching and dying your hair constantly takes too much time, effort and causes damage to your hair. I'm not 18 anymore and didn't feel the need to wear my scene "on my sleeve" to prove myself 24/7. That kind of thing just gets silly. I was getting bored with myself. Appearances do not dictate personality. I do not need blue hair and 50,000 piercings and tats to prove to the world that I am a unique little snowflake. Am I a sell-out? If you define a sell-out as someone making good money doing what they do, then yes, I am a total sell out. If you define a sell-out as someone that completely changes their ideals in order to garner financial gain, then no, I'm not. I'm still the same exact person inside (albeit, much more content then I was a few years back).
ADVICE TO THE ASPIRING MODEL
1. Keep a "real job". There are very few models who can completely support themselves doing fetish modeling. Don't jump into it thinking you're going to travel the world right away and live this posh lifestyle where designers throw you free clothes and photographers spray you with endless cash. While I do manage to do alright simply modeling, to this day I still have freelance projects that have nothing to do with modeling or fetish on the side. Keeping a real job lets you still remain creative and you won't have to take modeling work you wouldn't ordinarily do just to pay the rent. It also serves to keep you grounded. Plus, looks don't last forever and you're going to need something to fall back on sooner or later.
2. If you're first starting out, look for photographers in your area who have work you admire and contact them about shooting for your portfolio (this would be for "trade for prints" or "TFP"). The point being to build up your portfolio with flattering shots of yourself in order to get work later. If you know other models in your area--be polite and ask them for some references and THANK them when they help you out. Don't work with every "guy with a camera" just to gain experience--remember it's about QUALITY not QUANTITY. Six bad photos does not a good photo make and will keep you from getting decent work. One good photo would serve you better. Always check references of photographers you work with for safety reasons.
3. Don't get into modeling as a self-esteem boost if you're prone to feeling shitty about yourself. If anything, it will probably hurt your self-esteem more then help it. You must be very confident in yourself and not fall victim to what is sometimes harsh and very cruel criticism. Every single model will have to endure this at some point and sometimes it can hurt even the most confident ego--you have to learn to overcome it. If you're the type of person that bases their worth on how many compliments you get, this is not the right "job" for you and you should work on your self confidence before you attempt modeling. On the same token, you should be able to handle CONSTRUCTIVE criticism because it will help you grow and prevent stagnation. So, on the flipside, don't become an egotistical cunt either.
4. Know your personal limits and stick to them or think them through throughly before you decide to break them. Here's the old don't do anything you'll regret later schtick. I've pushed some of my limits in the past few years, and haven't regretted those decisions (I also thought those decisions out BEFORE and never made them on the fly). Still, there's some shitty photos of me out there looking haggard or zitty or lit horribly by an inexperienced photographer or going through a heavy phase or just having a bad day and therefore having a bad shoot that I'd rather forget, heh. Trust me, these "bad days" are the pictures that become the prized weapon of the loser just waiting to tell the world that you're ugly. Remember--there is no woman in the world that does not have a few physical flaws and there will always be someone waiting to point them out to you.
5. Have a real passion for what you're doing.
6. READ THINGS BEFORE YOU SIGN THEM!!!! If you don't understand it, don't sign it!
Advice to be continued soon...
TO END...
If you've made it to this point without falling asleep I hope you enjoy the rest of my website. If you ever see me about and about though--do say hello. I won't bite. Have a question or heard a rumor about me you'd like to ask me about? Email me. Sometimes I take forever to respond, but I always will eventually.
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